


star tears bullshit

by jazzminte



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canon Compliant, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Post-Timeskip, Star tear disease AU, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, Yamaguchi Tadashi's Freckles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:07:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28458039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jazzminte/pseuds/jazzminte
Summary: It had been three months since he can vividly recall his last star tears breakdown. He didn't even realize it had been that long until Yamaguchi turned up at his doorstep one night. "Gomen, Tsukki. I should've called."
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 49





	star tears bullshit

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [crushed little stars](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25879654) by [neenswrites](https://archiveofourown.org/users/neenswrites/pseuds/neenswrites). 



> my very first fic... heavily inspired by my comfort fic *crying noises*
> 
> but wait i feel like i need to clarify this: the star tears disease is much like hanahaki—you only get it when you have strong, unrequited feelings for someone. star tears burn hot like the stars, hence the name. when the disease goes on for so long, you start to lose sight of some of the colours of the person you have feelings for—usually their hair or eye colour. the only way to get rid of this disease (and to also get ur sight of the colours back) is to either have ur feelings reciprocated or lose them as a whole and move on.
> 
> p/s: ik it's getting unnecessarily long but i have a [tskym playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1vZP2YdlEev50Mm8AVZxBc?si=rKd26RNoRsqu2kGkaZQ_Yg) if ure interested ok bye im gonna go now

Tsukishima Kei first finds out about his star tears disease a month after he met Hinata Shouyou. How long has it been since then, months? Years? Half a decade? He'd lost count. What he still knew is that it hurt, and it went on for so long he couldn't see Hinata's hair colour anymore.

The last time he ever saw Hinata in person had been around three months ago. The blob of orange turned grey hair (at least in his eyes) had flown off to Brazil, to be better, spread his wings even higher. Three months since the burning tears that took him years to control.

Enter Yamaguchi Tadashi, Tsukishima's childhood friend for almost 10 years now, probably even his first real friend. The day Tsukishima realized he couldn't take it anymore, he'd told Yamaguchi about his disease in their second year of high school.

It was never in his intentions though, Yamaguchi was just very observant. Too observant. It was another one of their sleepovers in Tsukishima's room, when Yamaguchi had awkwardly but in a way, also straightforwardly brought it up. Tsukishima still keeps the very t-shirt he wore that day, even with all the burned holes from the tears he had shed right in front of his best friend. Right then and there, eyes wide, lips quivering. His freckled friend staring in horror at first, but Tsukishima could tell the exact moment that his face started to soften, a sign that he was there for him. That it'll be ok.

It had been three months since he can vividly recall his last star tears breakdown. He didn't even realize it had been that long until Yamaguchi turned up at his doorstep one night. "Gomen, Tsukki. I should've called."

He was puzzled—surprised, really. It wasn't the first time that Yamaguchi had come over unannounced, and he's never made a big deal out of it either. It was supposed to be this unspoken rule between them. Why did he apologize only today then?

He shook it off lightheartedly nonetheless, it's not like he'd ever mind having his best friend around. And if he were being honest, a part of him is a little overjoyed, actually. They'd spent the rest of the night rewatching their favourite penguin documentary, taking turns to recite the lines word for word. And then it struck.

Tsukishima wasn't sure if it was the nostalgia hitting him like waves, or the sudden realization that he had teared up at the thought of Hinata Shouyou again last two days—only the tears didn't burn through his shirt like they always did.

His heart didn't ache as much anymore, too. Heck, it didn't even feel like it was aching anymore. Still in shock, he grabbed Yamaguchi by his shoulder, taking him by surprise.  
"What's wrong, Tsukki?"  
"The tears..."  
"The tears?" Yamaguchi sounded genuine, listening intently.

Perhaps it was the deafening silence in his ears, or perhaps within the moment of truth, Yamaguchi had paused the documentary or shut the TV off or whatever, Tsukishima didn't know. Or cared. His next words came out in surprise, his stomach flipping. "I don't have the star tears anymore."

Silence. Even more deafening than just a moment ago.  
A small gasp, followed by a... sigh of relief? Which only made him more confused, somehow.

"That's great Tsukki!" Yamaguchi exclaimed, his eyes so sincere Tsukishima swore he was about to cry again.

And in the heat of the moment, Yamaguchi had also said, "No wonder I can finally see your brown eyes again!" He was so excited, happy, elated, overjoyed that neither of them even realized they were holding, squeezing each other's hands, even.

"...Wha-?" Tsukishima was taken aback, lost for words. And he could see the colors drain from his best friend's face.

Best friend? It's how they'd always seen each other. Sure they'd never said it out loud, but it was a mutual agreement, a clash of fate. They were always meant to be best friends.

But is it always? Is it forever? Will nothing change? Will anything ever change? Tsukishima started wondering why he's wondering about that now, not when his best friend (?) was stuttering right in front of him, the nervous trait he'd never seem to shake off since they were kids, not even after gaining so much confidence in high school.

That was such a long time ago, wasn't it? Yet it never felt that way. Tsukishima can still vividly recall the first time he saw Yamaguchi peeking his head through their school's gym door, how clearly nervous he had been trying to explain his interest in sports, and how quick his mood had changed upon noticing Akiteru's volleyball shoes on him, how genuine he had sounded while he continued showering Tsukishima with endless praises.

Then it struck him again. He couldn't have known how long he had zoned out, but he had to pull himself back because-  
Yamaguchi had the disease too. He had star tears too. And he never told him. And they were for him. Because? They were for him?

Fuck.

He had strung Yamaguchi along all these years, never having to face all that pain alone because Tadashi has always been there, always stayed, never complained, never judged. Always just so soft and genuine and reassuring, all the while having to face the exact same pain all on his own? And _he_ was the main reason for it too, nonetheless.

"Yamaguchi..." the silence was even more deafening now. His best friend wasn't even looking at him anymore. His eyes were now glued to the couch, his whole body trembling, fists gripping his knees, and Kei could tell he was gathering all of his strength not to cry, scream, wail.

What he did next, Kei realized, was what he should have done all this while. Maybe it was too late now, maybe the reciprocation of his feelings wouldn't even matter, but one thing he was finally certain of—he had been in love with Tadashi. All this while, as he gradually fell out of love for Hinata, his love for Tadashi, which was there, it had always been there, started blossoming into something new, and he was so fucked up and occupied in his silly little high school feelings that his stupid self never even realized any of it. Not until now, not when he's holding his supposed love of his life, who was shaking in his embrace, voice muffled in his shirt, eyes wetting it as his tears fell down and down, not a sign of stopping anytime soon.

And Kei thought, _I deserve this. I've been so fucking shitty, and stupid, and I've been hurting him all this while, so let him have this. Let me have this. If I get the star tears again because of Tadashi now, then so be it. He's worth it anyway, more than Hinata. More than anyone._

They stayed that way for God knows how long. It might had only been 15 minutes, but it most definitely felt like centuries. Not that Kei minded anyway, he cursed at himself time and time again for missing out on this feeling, the feeling of hugging Tadashi, a feeling so out of this world. So comforting that it led to him thinking what it would be like to love him like actually love him, unconditionally and forever, forever forever forever Kei thinks about forever with Tadashi doesn't sound long enough now-

Sniffles. Quiet, almost sounding scared but also—soothing. Kei had only realized he'd been gently threading his fingers through Tadashi's (newly cut? oh yeah he'd had his hair cut two days ago, Tadashi had excitedly sent him a selfie ohmygodhewassocutetoo) soft hair smelling of coconut and- strawberry? What an odd scent but so so good and so—Tadashi. So him. So his.

"Tadashi..." Kei gently whispered in his hair, his other hand rubbing small, gentle circles over Tadashi's back now.  
"I'm in love with you."  
Another sniffle. "You're... you're not just-"  
"I'm not just saying that."

If there's anything Kei hates more than people in general, it's rude interruptions for when someone is talking, especially when that someone is Tadashi because his words and everything that had ever come out his mouth Kei had always deemed important, _the_ most important that if anyone were to ever interrupt him Kei would make sure that person never sees the light of day again but now, right now he couldn't care less. He needed Tadashi to know, he needed to show how much he really meant it how much he really wanted this how so in love he is, so unconditionally in love he is-

Hazel eyes looking up at him now. Such beautiful, dilated pupils in the semi night light of the living room, the chill weather slipping in through the slightly opened windows. Kei swore he could almost see delicate fingers of the wind touching the freckles on Tadashi's beautiful skin, allowing him to count them one by one, connecting constellations of the only stars capable of tethering him to the earth.

"How long?" Tadashi's voice was cracking, and it genuinely almost broke Kei's heart. All the shit he would do just to never hear that again.

"Since forev-"  
"Tsukki, I'm serious," Tadashi's voice was steadier now, gradually going back to the sweet honey-like sound Kei had come to love even after all these years. "How long since your tears had stopped?"

"Mmm. Three months ago", Kei was almost embarrassed to admit. He'd only been in love with his best friend for three months? Just how miniscule is that compared to how long Tadashi had been in love with _him_? Only three months since he had stopped Tadashi's unrequited pain, if he even felt the same since then.

Kei felt his heart break again, he couldn't believe he had put his best friend, his only friend and now the love of his life through so much pain-  
"I'm sorry." without realizing, Kei had apologized unconsciously. The guilt must have been so huge for him to-

"It's not your fault," a low giggle came out from Tadashi, his face buried in Kei's shirt again. Oh how he'd missed that sound—how can something sound even better than the honey-like voice they'd already possessed when they're talking normally? Tadashi is ethereal like that, Kei had realized. _fuck am i too late_

"I'm in love with you. And not just the idea of you but the whole of you and I am such an _asshole_ for not realizing it sooner, for holding onto that silly fucking high school crush thing and letting you suffer in silence all on your own- oh my god Yamaguchi... Tadashi I am so so sorry I love you so much oh myg-"

Softness. Lips on his and it's so soft but it feels electric all the same and in that moment it felt right, it felt _so right_ Kei almost willed for it to feel wrong but they kept on going and he instantly knew that they were really made for each other and the whole star tears disease _bullshit_ was so stupid to have kept him from a thing as beautiful as this- how could he had been so stupid? Here he was kissing the love of his life, barely taking any breaths they were so overwhelmed with love, the love enveloping both of them, finally welcoming them in their arms and Kei had never felt so glad—he finally had the man he was meant to love from the start, his one true purpose in life that he'd been too fucking stupid to ignore, but none of that matters now.

As long as he can keep being in love with this man in his arms, as long as Kei gets to keep Tadashi close, hearts intertwining like never before, Kei thinks nothing else really matters. And he's right, and he also thinks it would be nice to be right about this for the rest of his life. For the rest of his life, and also Tadashi's.

**Author's Note:**

> GOD. tskym mean The World to me and Yes i also gave yamaguchi they/them pronouns it's subtle but it's there *winks*
> 
> kudos, comments and constructive criticism are appreciated!!
> 
> come visit me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/kyanmabff) i also make edits, carrds, shitposts and a shit ton of besties hcs of the hq characters brrrr


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